The Vampire Chronicles Book Club

It's mentioned in earlier pages that Louis' self-loathing is really the result of egotism, of self-indulgence. This really stuck with me, and it heavily influenced how I interpreted a lot of what comes later. This will probably be (ironically enough), self-indulgently lengthy, so please bear with me.

When Louis first saw Lestat, he described much like seeing God. It was something akin to a religious experience, except that it wrung hollow. He says: "That ego which could not accept the presence of an extraordinary human being in its midst was crushed. [...] I completely forgot myself!"
But then he goes on to speak of how he saw his life, and how he could see his life from that point forward, etc.  He speaks of recognizing his own insignificance, but his language is still totally centered on his own experiences and perceptions.    Usually, experiences such as these are described as acknowledging (and seeing the beauty of) the relative insignificance of the self, the realization that we are but one tiny part of something so much greater than oneself.  He plays at the concept, does lip service to it, but it rings false, at least to me.

Another aspect of Louis' character, which I swooned over as an angst-ridden teen, but look at more critically now, is his seeming devotion to this dark, depressing, tortured aesthetic.  His frequent desire for death, despite his inability to actively seek it out, his prowling dark alleys for rats, insisting that his choice to avoid humans was an "aesthetic" one, and not morally motivated, despite his constant judging of Lestat for his immoral behaviour.  I cackled when Lestat called him out on it: "You, [...] staring for hours at candles [...] and standing in the rain like a zombie until your clothes are drenched [...]."    Even when he tells Lestat that he was leaving him in a grandiose, self-indulgent (I do so love that term for describing Louis, so I am going to unapologetically overuse it) speech, he admits: "I was mainly listening to my own words."   It's like he is constantly putting on airs. 

Nothing about Louis, to me, is genuine.  It's all superficiality.  And what really baffles me is that he has no idea that he's doing this.  He really truly believe that his affectations are an accurate representation of his personality.  Then again, maybe they are.  Maybe he is (or at least was) really that shallow, devoid of a real personality, or any genuine deep-held beliefs.